Ok, ok, all I talk about is school. But let's be completely honest here, it's all I think about. I eat, breath, and sleep school. It's on my mind from 6 AM to 11 PM, and I can't even escape it when I sleep. Is this normal? Or am I the only one? Please don't say I'm alone in over analyzing every aspect of my high school experience.
And on that note, I hope I'm not the only one who's struggled with this.. with finding yourself, your voice, who you are. It seems so easy! I had 9 years in a small school to find myself. I was the girl who spoke up to her teachers, volunteered for every speech, and broke the uniform
Tables have turned. My class of 25 (note: I'd known the majority of my classmates since we took naps after recess together) is now a class of 59 (note: I don't know all but two of them). I went from being at the top of the food chain (8 grade was essentially equivalent to Senior year for me) to the very bottom. And I have no idea where I stand.
I've become so shy since school started. I rarely raise my hand in class, don't say much in social(ish) situations around my new peers, and try to go unnoticed in the halls. I think I'm afraid of what people will think of me. That. Is. So. Unlike. Me. I think something that's making this so hard on me is that my current school starts at Kindergarten. Half of my classmates have been going to school there, with each other, forever. They're completely comfortable in the building, the classrooms, around older students, and with each other. They've found themselves in this school, and that intimidates me..because I haven't yet!
I'll get there, right? As I get to know my peers and my surroundings, I'll open up. I'll gain the confidence and self esteem I'm lacking right now. Ugh, can't we just skip to that part? This is such a nuisance. All this searching is exhausting. I have to force myself to talk to people, to speak up, and let loose. I'm ready for all that to come naturally. I guess I just have to keep working hard.
xx
MGR
I seem to be finding myself in the same situation. Although I'm neither a freshman nor new to a school somehow I can totally relate. Just like you, I find myself pushing myself to be more social, picking movie marathons on abc family over hanging out with friends on the weekends and everything in between. I totally agree that it is a aggravating but I just keep telling myself everything will fall into place and that sooner or later your time to shine will come. Think of finding yourself as a journey! Keep your chin up & I hope everything works out for you!!
ReplyDeleteThroughout life, you will find yourself in new situations, around new people, trying to make the right impression. You'll go to college, start a new job, be in a new relationship and have to meet their friends and family, and all along the way, you will probably doubt yourself.
ReplyDeleteAnd that is ok. That is just life.
It is important to remember that no one else has it totally together. You will never totally have everything figured out.
Every day, try to learn something new about yourself, about those around you. Learn to be comfortable with yourself, with your abilities, with your appearance. Appreciate yourself.